I counted each star
from my place on the earth and
felt calm and peaceful.
I loved the look you
gave me. You smiled and told
me softly, "Oh, hush."
--
I have been very
busy lately. No time for
breathing or eating.
I really can't wait
for Halloween to be done
so that work won't suck.
I close tomorrow
and I'm so irritated.
Temps can't clean for shit.
I feel like I'm on
the verge of something great. I
can't wait to see what.
- Feeling a little:
silly - Background sound:Habib Koite- Din Din Wo
I beg you, Gods of Finals:
don't let it hurt me!
all i feel is bad.
i don't even have the strength
to capitalize.
i spent my weekend
tossing and turning in bed,
watching will and grace.
it's not half as cool
as it sounds. i started to hate
those corny plotlines.
i'm afraid that all
this coughing is going to
scar my little lungs.
that would really suck.
chronic bronchitis is caused
by scars on the lungs.
that means that i'd get
this horrible, awful shit
twice a goddamn year.
i'm also behind
on some of my college apps.
the deadlines are soon.
ugh, i need some sleep.
school sucks, but at least there are
only four days left.
- Feeling a little:
very sick - Background sound:sufjan stevens
I have decided
to write all my journal posts
in haiku format.
Counting syllables
really calms me down. Lately,
I haven't been calm.
But please don't worry.
Only Yvonne_Beverly
will be in haiku.
Today, I am sick.
My throat is sore and torn up
from all the coughing.
I had a bad dream.
That tends to happen when I
have a high fever.
I'm having issues.
And they're big, scary issues.
I can't hide from them.
Right now I'm trying
to stay focused and be brave.
It might be working.
I think maybe I
made myself sick because right
now I don't like school.
I can only hope
that on Tuesday I'll give up
making excuses.
- Feeling a little: sick
- Background sound:grandaddy- stray dog and the chocolate shake
"You seem spacey and weird," he told me honestly with a smile, "Are you okay?"
"She's in love," the girl beside me interjected, "Gosh, don't you know anything?"
It might have been the first time I was glad to be so easily read.
I want to make a song where I just kind of say anything in the lyrics as long as it rhymes. I've always found things like that to be rather charming and uniquely silly.
I tell him over and over to stop please stop and he just keeps on doing it an doing it and
- Feeling a little:
sleepy - Background sound:Tegan And Sara-downtown
And then we came to a stop and I exhaled and you opened the door for me.
I wondered if you fancied to be invited inside, but you didn't follow me through the threshold. As I made my way up the walk, I barely felt your hand on the small of my back, as you were barely brave enough to put it there. You could have been forward but you knew better. You knew me better.
And we smiled at each other.
I thanked you.
And then we said goodbye. It was as simple as that.
Dear friend.
- Feeling a little: sleepy
To be grown up...it's just a state of mind.
What makes someone grown up?
A love of coffee and literature? The ability to drive a car? A job? Drugs? Money? Sex?
It's all just a mindset.
And up until now I thought I'd endured the bulk of my growing.
But I'm so small. I am so small.
I always imagined in my earlier youth that at about this time, my junior year in high school, I would be transformed. Just, you know, all of a sudden.
Poof.
And this new me would be different from the girl I am now, classy and sophisticated, with straight teeth and long legs. She would only wear the most professional-looking outfits, although at the same time would make sure to maintain her natural good looks.
[Amusing and ridiculous.]
She would somehow always know exactly what to say, and she would never forget a punchline. A birthday. A face.
But she would also have quirks. The way she would sometimes leave the windows open for weeks and forget them. The way she'd often arrange objects in order by color. The way she would occasionally become petrified of dogs.
No one would mind all that much, though.
I have not transformed, nor will I (I'd imagine). But maybe that's not as bad a thing as it seems. Maybe who I am will turn out to be just fine.
Maybe.
---
I used my debit card for the first time yesterday. The movie ticket popped out of the slot with my name inked into its coffee-colored visage.
- Feeling a little:
thankful for thanksgiving
Sometimes I can be sneaky.
When the frumpy old woman directed me away from the others who sat for their exam, I couldn't help but smile as I walked away, gladly sipping my coffee.
Click click click on the tile floor.
Late to first period but nobody cared.
I was thankful that you let me keep my silence today, although I know you had every right to question me.
All in all, I suppose it was really my fault. And I'll even admit that it was pretty funny to have been hit in the face with your door as you opened it to leave.
Jesus! Are you okay?
Well I know you just hit me with a door, but there's really no need to call me Jesus.
And we laughed for twenty six seconds.
It was pretty sound, like a symphony in A.
I was mad at Him today, but even as I stuck to my guns all I could think while he was before me was, my what beautiful blue eyes you have.
I hung my heavy head in shame when He turned away and started walking.
I am so...barely born.
- Feeling a little: accomplished
- Background sound:Regina Spektor- Loveology
I know who you are.
Today it happened like it always does.
I sip my coffee.
Tap my toes
to the rhythm of the earth's techtonic plates
(or maybe he was playing jazz that day)
and I study the woman in the dress who paints her lips to match her pumps.
For once, it seems, or twice maybe-
Words, you are failing failing failing me.
It could have been the best weekend of my life if you'd shown up in the midst of it.
Oh wondrous child.
- Feeling a little:
listless - Background sound:sufjan stevens
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